It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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