there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
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