...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
