Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
