I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
