Need sex. Gaining weight.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
