I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
