i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
