And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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