Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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