ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
