We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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