So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
did i walk over a car last night?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
