yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
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Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
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My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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