If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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