i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
