you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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