I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
