I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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