You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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