He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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