hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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