Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
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You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize