I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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