bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
