Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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