Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I am available for nakedness
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
