At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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