I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
