Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
porn star boner night. come get it.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
