we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
