Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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