I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out