There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
What drink are we having for lunch?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
