I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.