I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??