i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.