in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
