Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
