just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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