I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
