i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
