why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's blow job season.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize