and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
