Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
