I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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