yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
never play flip cup with pint glasses
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
