Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Randomize
