i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
