You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
