this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
