I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
