we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just want nice things and good sex
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
