all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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