I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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