I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
