Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
