I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
