I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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