Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
