My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
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You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
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Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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