Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize