i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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