her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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