what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
