dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
