Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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