I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
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You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
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So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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