I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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