Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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