I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
