new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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