The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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