Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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