i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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