What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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