she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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