omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
