Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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