Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
