I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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