whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
