Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
